Romeo and Juliet resources

There are many sites out there with information about Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet.
Here are a few of my favorite:

The Interactive Folio: Romeo and Juliet
(This is a wonderful site! It includes explanations, videos, etc.)

Google Books: Shakespeare Made Easy-Romeo and Juliet

The complete text (handy for cutting and pasting): Romeo and Juliet at MIT site

And for fun, BBC's 60 Second Shakespeare

THE UNKNOWN LIFE OF GWEN MCCLIFF by Julia

Gwen walked into the school, her long brown bangs shielding her face from those of her peers. She quickly made her way to her locker. 10-0-27. She grabbed her math book and walked down the seventh grade wing to Mr. Waar’s classroom.

Precisely forty-seven minutes later she packed up her ruler, books, and pencil and was on her way again to her locker. Exchanged the math book for the English binder, and then maneuvered her way around the other students to English. Then after forty-seven minutes, she put away her work, shoved her binder into her locker, and headed towards gym. Gwen’s day continued like that. After fifty-one minutes of gym, there was lunch, study hall, science, history, then Gwen walked four blocks home. Ate an apple, watched TV for half an hour, did homework for one hour, said “hi” to her mother and little brother (Matt), listened to music or roller-skated for about twenty minutes, said “hi” to her father, eat dinner, watched little more TV, then at 9:45pm, sleep. 6:00am, wake up, and start all over.

There. Now you are familiar with the UN-eventful daily life of Gwen McCliff.

A few more facts you ought to know are: Gwen lives in a small Victorian house in Wolfeboro, New Hampshire. She lives there with her brothers Matt and Peter. Her mother is a hair stylist, and her father owns a small chain of hardware stores. Gwen didn’t have any friends. She did once, Sadie Allen. But last year in April, her parents decided they should move to Brazil, and leave their phone behind. Most important of all; Gwen’s family isn’t really her family. She was adopted when she was barely a year old. Her parents had died and left no trace of who they were. Or who Gwen was. Gwen didn’t know her birthday, her parent’s names, or of any other living relatives she might have left. Gwen didn’t even know if ‘Gwen’ was her real name. And all that made Gwen feel pretty alone in the world.
* * *

“Um… is anyone sitting here?”

Gwen looked up, startled, and then out of pure shock she shook her head no.

“Do you, um…mind if I sit here?” the girl continued. She was wearing a green t-shirt and long black pants. Her long black was pulled back in a ponytail and her ice blue eyes studied Gwen.

“So… um… can I sit… here…?”

“Oh, yeah… um… I guess.”

“I’m Carmen.” It sounded to Gwen that ended the conversation. And she was fine with that.

* * *

For the rest of the day Gwen found out everything she could about Carmen. By the end of the period Gwen knew that Carmen George had moved here last week with her incredibly rich Grandfather from somewhere in Minnesota. And according to Brittany Marks, she should really go back to somewhere-in-Minnesota. Brittany Marks the popular girl in the seventh grade. If anybody wanted to be somebody, they would be friends with Brittany. Brittany’s current posse (subject to change as soon as one girl gets a pimple or an A+ without cheating) was Tina Walters, Lily Parker, Sarah Welsh, and Sophie Johnson. Gwen was never picked on by Brittany and company, but rather, completely ignored. She didn’t mind that.

When Gwen got home, she could not concentrate on her homework. All she could think about was Carmen. Everyone knows that you don’t talk to Gwen McCliff, and she had gotten through last year and so far this year without talking to them. Until now. Now Gwen had spoken to another student. Well, actually, another student had spoken to her. But even that was out of the ordinary.

* * *

The next day Gwen walked into science class, four minutes late. Gwen was never late. Not the nerdy ‘Oh-My-Gosh-the-bell-is-about-to-ring-I’ve-got-to-get-to-class!’ never late. No, she just figured since she had nothing better to do, she might as well go. Also, being late attracts way too much attention to oneself. Since everyone is quietly in their seats, it is impossible to slip into the room unseen. The teacher will also make matters worse by asking questions that you are forced to mutter answers to as the class stares at you. As did Mrs. Peno that morning.

“Where were you, Miss McCliff? Do you have a note?”

“No,” Gwen mumbled.

“Well, find a lab partner and sit down.” Mrs. Peno replied curtly. From underneath her bangs, Gwen quickly surveyed the room for a seat. Finally, in the very back, her eyes rested on a seat. Next to Carmen George. She sighed and made her way toward the seat. She felt the twenty pairs of eyes on her back as she trudged down the aisle. Carmen tried to smile as Gwen sat down with another sigh in the blue plastic chair.

RRINNGG!! The bell rang for recess.

“Hello Carmen.” Brittany sneered.

“Um, I think the freak show is that way.” Sarah said, mimicking Brittany in every way. The girls turned on their heels and began to walk off. Carmen frowned.

“Hey!” Brittany, Sarah, Tina, Sophie, and Carmen turned. “Hey! You guys are the freaks! Why can’t you just leave everyone else alone?” Gwen surprised even herself at the strength in her voice as she spoke.

“Humph!” muttered Brittany and the four of them stormed off.

“Thanks,” mouthed Carmen, and hurried away. As Gwen turned to leave too, she smiled to herself. Then smiled again as she realized that that was the fist time in a long time she had smiled, and meant it.

To Be Continued…

This version was proofread for spelling and grammar by Mr. Graykin.

Mr. Graykin's comments:

A most promising beginning to the story! The characters and dialogue seem completely realistic, and the events in the story begin to give the reader a sense of what may happen later on. I look forward to the next installment!

I found few errors in your proofreading, but urge you to compare this posted version with the version you submitted so you can notice the changes I did make.

Oh- I'm really not sure you need the "few more facts" paragraph near the beginning of the story. It doesn't give me any info I need to understand what follows...if you think the reader needs it eventaully, perhaps you can find a more suitable place (perhaps in dialogue, with Gwen telling Carmen once they're friends..?) further into the story.

UNTITLED by Tyler

It was a dark evening in 1979. We were in Alaska playing a war game, practicing situations, and the helicopter that 40 other men and I were in was flying in to refuel.

“All right, men, we gotta refuel,” said the pilot.

Ch ch c boom! The helicopter’s back engines blew up.

I heard men crying for help, but I didn’t see anything. Now I couldn’t hear anything except my heart beat--beating slowly, getting quieter and quieter, then gone. No-there it was again. But how? It couldn’t be.

“Sir, are you ok?” someone asked.

I tried to speak, but nothing. I thought I was dead.

I woke up in a room, a hospital.

“Ah, Mr. Thomson. You’re awake,” said the nurse.

“How is everyone?” I croaked.

“I thought you’d ask that. They are ok, but you…you’re a different story.”

“Why am I a different story?”

“Well, you have a more severe injury than the others.”

“Why? What is wrong with me?”

“Well, you have an inside your body a problem which you’ll have to deal with for the rest of your life.”

“Oh, ok.”

“That is it?”

“Well, yeah. I don’t need to be depressed about it!”

“Well, that’s a good way of thinking.. Oh, you have a visitor.”

“Who is it?”

“Let me see. Ok. Sure.” Then she was gone.

Ten minutes later, she came back.

“It’s Lt. John.”

“Ok, let him in.”

“Hello Sergeant,” said Lt. John.

“Hello.”

“I’m forced to let you go from the Army.”

This version was proofread by Mr. Graykin.

Mr. Graykin's comments:

This is quite powerful, especially since you wrote it from the participant's point of view, and used so much dialogue. It helps the reader imagine what the whole experience must have been like.

A couple unanswered questions remain: What caused the accident? What exactly was wrong with his body? And how did he feel about being discharged from the Army after this accident?

BIKE CRASH by Tommy

It was September 30, 2003. Brandon was riding his bike down the road from his cousin’s house in Averill, MA, when he turned to look behind him and hit a 2x4 sticking out of a landscaping truck. It ripped his cheek off.

Brandon passed out for 2 minutes, then got up and drove his bike back to his cousin’s house.

Blood was gushing everywhere. But Brandon could not feel anything.

His mom brought him to Boston’s Children’s Memorial hospital. When he got there they found that blood was draining into his sinuses, he'd fractured his eye socket, and fractured his cheek bone.

At the hospital they had to give him 25 stitches and plastic surgery.

It took him 2 weeks to recover and get his stitches out.

This version was proofread for grammar by Mr. Graykin.

Mr. Graykin's comments:

You chose an interesting moment to write about--one when your subject experienced something difficult (and painful). Through your interviewing, you also gathered some good details. Still, though, this writing doesn't really grip me. It reports the facts well, but it reads more like a news report than a biographical sketch.

Using show-not-tell strategies could really give this story a much greater impact. Explode the moment when the accident occurs. Add in the dialogue that occurred at his cousin's house. Infer from the facts some other likely details, and embed them in the story.

Some problems exist in the paragraphing, and "hospital" should be capitalized, but you did well proofreading for spelling.

UNTITLED by “Liz Lock”

Once upon a time there was a girl who wanted to a vampire so bad she would wear all black and not go to school. She loved Edward Cullen and the new movie twilight.

Her mom asked “Why don’t you go outside and get some fresh air and some sunlight.”

With a smirk on her face she explained “Vampires don’t like the light so therefore I don’t like the light” Then she blasted her music and didn’t listen to her mom any more.

That night she had the greatest dream ever of Edward Cullen. She was Bella and Edward loved her. When she woke up that morning she felt different. How so you may ask well she had a craving for blood. Then she realized that her dream had come true (the part about being a vampire not the Edward part). So when she got dressed in her usual black clothes she ran down to have her usual corn pops cereal. When she realized that she had fangs. Sharp, pointy, and shiny, it was hard to chew. So she turned on the TV to see what the weather would be like.

“Today 100 percent chance of precipitation, cloudy, today is a day to stay inside” the news reporter exclaimed

Today was the day that she lived for; she put on her coat and told her mom she was going out.

“Don’t you have a tutor coming today.” she asked

“No” she lied to her mom which she never did.

“Ok” her mom replied

She went outside smelled the fresh air and ran as fast as she could to the closest person and bit them.

“Ahhhhhh” each and every one of them screamed

Of course this stirred up controversy and it was all over the news.

“Woman gets bitten by deranged girl. Then found dead the next day. Who is this girl and what’s wrong with her?” the news reporter exclaimed

“Oh no “she thought

“Molly” her mom yelled from the bottom of the stairs “breakfast.”

“I'll be right down” she hollered

She ran down the spiral stairs and into the squished dining room to eat another Sunday breakfast.

2 years after

Still no one knows that she was the one who bit those people. She’s still a vampire and still bites anyone except her family.

This version was proofread for spelling, paragraphing and organization by Mr. Graykin.

Mr. Graykin's comments:

There's a lot of interest in this story, and it shows improvement in your writing skills! You do a good job taking a popular idea (teen vampires) and making it your own.

There are a lot of grammar errors in this writing--especially punctuation errors--but I left them uncorrected as you requested. Occasionally other errors crop up, too--for example, you forgot to capitalize and underline (or italicize) the name of the movie, Twilight. You (and visiting readers) might want to see if you can find and fix the mistakes....

Here's one sample correction:
With a smirk on her face, she explained, “Vampires don’t like the light, so, therefore, I don’t like the light.”

THE DARK MOON by Tess Dark Moon Girl

How would you feel about a girl that has dark skin, as dark as the sky at night? Would you want to be my friend, or would you even tell me that you care? Would you care that I am in slavery? Would you? Think about it, and I will tell you my story about myself.

CHAPTER 1

I was born into slavery with Ma and Pa, who worked their hardest out in the fields while the mistress was in the house, taking care of me. She thought I was hers, but I sure as the stars was not hers. I am as free and as wild as the wild horses. She thinks she own me, but NO one--I mean NO one--can tame or own a wild horse--that wild horse being me.

One fine day when I was but 11, Missus instructed me to watch Bas and Beth. (Those were her kin.) While I watched them, Mr. Adams stepped into the room and yelled, “Get out of here and into the fields, with the rest of them.”

I was going to stick up for myself, but Ma would scold me harshly. So I figured to just do as Mr. Adams instructed. I first had to get into my bad and muddy clothes, although I really did not have that many bad looking clothes, because the missus did not want me to be dirty. So I put on my mother’s scrubs.

Working in the fields was supposed to have brought money or such to the missus and master. All it brought us was scars from being whipped like dogs. And I’m sure that I am not a dog.

When I got back to my quarters, I found my mamma there with her light blue eyes wide open, almost leaking or raining everywhere.

“Where have you been? How come you are dirty and wet?” asked the missus.

“I have been out in the fields like Mr. Adams instructed,” I said, almost crying.

“Well, let me go talk to him and then I will run you a bath. Go get your clothes and come back,” she said as she walked up the stairs.

As I walked out of the house and into the fields to get some clothes, I heard yelling and stomping, and then everything went quiet after there was an ear splitting… BOOM.

I dropped my thoughts of being in that nice hot bath with beautiful, almost glass bubbles, and ran to the house. I went up the servant quarters’ stairs to get to the upper stairs. Oh, so, quiet was everything.

As I peered through the keyhole, I saw a river of blood. I followed the scarlet string of blood to see where it was coming from… Mrs. Adams! Mr. Adams was putting away the gun that by the way he shot her with. And then he walked over, but not to his wife, BUT to BED!

He LEFT her right there, on the floor--the very floor Beth and I had played on less than an hour ago--and now it was stained with the blood that was still pouring out of Mrs. Adams, and the one that killed her was just laying in bed drunk and did not give a care that she was… dead!!

This version was proofread by Mr. Graykin.

THE COMPACTER by Jimmy

“Come on Bobby, Jeff is coming.”

“ Quick behind Wal-Mart Caleb!”

“Shh be quite we don’t want him to hear us. Do you see any where to hide?”

“ Here in the dumpster it’s the perfect hiding place. Ew minus the smell…”

“Hurry Jeff is coming.”

“ Remind me to never do this again.”

“Bobby be careful I think these are one of those new eco-friendly dumpsters the pre-crush trash to make more room.”

“Oh that’s great …Oh my god there’s a rat.”

“Just don’t scream think happy thoughts and don’t look at it.”

“AHHHHHH!”

“No, no, no, NO! You fool he’s coming now!”

“Found you Caleb, hey there’s Bobby! Hey there’s Billy way over there.. And over here is a button. Should I press said button?”

“Don’t even touch it it’s a compacting button.”

“Pfft this is probably one of those hidden camera shows. Ha I figured it out before I pressed the button and you jumped out at me and scared me!”

“This isn’t a hidden camera show it’s not even a show.”

“Put a sock in it Billy! I know you know this is a hidden camera show so where is the camera crew?”

“There is no crew! And I swear I’m not in on it. Look at me in the eye.. This isn’t a hidden camera show.”

“Your eye twitched your lying!”

“Jeff what do you think this button does?”

“It doesn’t do anything because it’s fake!”

“No its not!”

“Look the sign is fake.”

“Jeff that sign isn’t fake.”

“See I can easily peel it off. It even says made in China how creative. Hmmm danger compacter don’t press button unless you’re a trained professional. Who would want to be a professional garbage man anyway?”

“Hey Jeff that’s a real compacter trash can don’t push that button.”

“Billy this doesn’t even concern you just go play My Little Ponies with your sister.”

“Fine maybe I will!”

“Jeff if you value our life don’t press that button!”

“Fine I won’t… just kidding!”

“Ahhhhhh!”

“Oh no I have to get out of here!”

This version was not proofread by Mr. Graykin.

UNTITLED by “Anonimis”

Bill had always wanted to be a life guard and after going to school for the training he received his certificate. Finding a job wasn’t easy, but he finally got hired as a life guard at the executive resorts on the Palm Springs. The pay was more than he had hoped for and he could stay right at the resort.

After a few weeks of working, he knew he had found a good job and finally fulfilled one of his goals.

One day, a large group of college-age kids crowded into one spot on the beach. Two of them had surf boards and they went out past the normal limit. It was high tide, and after fifteen minutes of surging, the waves began getting higher. Then, they fell off the boards and were in the water. The current swept them towards the rocks. Bill saw they were in trouble and quickly ran to the docks to the lifeguard boat. He quickly turned it on and headed their way. By the time he got to them one boy was barely managing to stay up and the other boy had disappeared beneath the cold blue depths of the ocean. He quickly helped the first boy then dove into the water to locate the second boy. He spotted him and swam as fast as he could to get to him. He grabbed him and got him into the boat. He administered CPR and got him back on land. The next day he got a raise and was called a hero. That day he had completed another goal of saving a life.

This version was proofread for grammar by Mr. Graykin.

Mr. Graykin's comments:

Some good turns of phrase and ideas in this story. You are showing improvement as a writer.

I urge you to make use of dialogue when writing this sort of story. If the reader could hear the college-age kids talking as they paddled out, Bill as he tried to rescue them, and Bill's boss as he praised Bill's heroic deed, the story would feel more real.

Be careful to paragraph when appropriate. (Remember the guideline: go to a new paragraph whenever there is a change in topic, location, time, or speaker.)

REVIEW OF ELF by "Yerva S"

This movie was directed by Jon Farveau, and written by David Brenbaum. This is a story of a little orphan boy who crawled into Santa’s sack of toys and was taken to the North Pole. He was raised by Papa Elf.

Buddy the elf (Will Farrell), the little orphan boy, comes to find he really doesn’t fit in with he other elves. Papa tells him where his real dad is. Before he goes, Santa tells him his dad is on his bad list.

Buddy then says his good-byes and gets on his way to NYC. In New York, Buddy finds that the world is short on Christmas cheer. Because of that, Santa will run into issues!

With the help of a Gimbles department store, Buddy teaches his dad (and the world) the true meaning of Christmas, just by proving that Santa lives.

This version was proofread by Mr. Graykin.

WE INVADE… by "Brandflaxe"

June 1, 3000

We have been traveling for a week now and we still haven’t found any other intelligent beings besides our other search groups. However, we have found several planets that could support life.

June 20, 3000

We are about to land on a planet that definitely has life on it. There are skyscrapers and other buildings. I can’t see any of the inhabitants, but I know they’re here because there are vehicles running.

“What do you mean we’re being invaded?” I shouted. “This planet is in the middle of nowhere.”

“I know, Captain, but the humans have…”

“The humans are invading us?! I thought those boneheads couldn’t travel this far!”

“As I was saying, they have new technology now. So they can travel farther.”

“All right, all right. When they land, we’ll back them into the escape pods.”

“Good idea, Captain. What planet do you want to send them to?”

“Earth!”

“Yes sir. I’ll go program them right away.”

“Wait. I’ll send a transmission first.”


Kssshhhh…… “Attention, Earth people! Leave now…” ...kshhhh… “...firing will commence.”

“You heard ‘em, boys! They’re going to shoot at us. So let’s shoot first!” said the human General Alex.

Doov…weee…doov…weeee…doov…

Koosh!


“Ah! Captain, the humans are firing at us!”

“Darn! The message must have gotten scrambled. Fire the E.M.P cannons!”

“Yes, sir.”

Eeeeeeeeeeee…toov…toov…toov!

Weeep. Kugh.

“A direct hit, sir. They’re down.”

“Perfect. Get them to the escape pods.”

“Yes, sir. I’ll alert the troops.”

“Tell them to use non-lethal shots.”

“Yes, sir.”

“And stop saying, ‘yes, sir.’ It’s highly annoying.”

“Sorry.”

Kshhhh…

“Attention, troops. Get the humans into the escape pods and use only non-lethal rounds.”


“Okay, boys. Let’s go!” commanded Sergeant Blisk.

“Charge!” said Alex.

The humans charged and three quarters of them fell into holes that led to the escape pods which sent them back to Earth. Only the General’s squad was left.

“Back them into the last escape pod,” ordered Blisk.

“Yes, Sergeant,” said one of his troops.

“Fire!” shouted Blisk.

Dooov-doov-doov-doov!

The aliens fired and backed the humans into the last escape pod.

As Alex fell into the pod, Blisk said his favorite quote from an Earth movie…

“Hasta la vista…baby!”

Tffff!

This version was proofread by Mr. Graykin.

Mr. Graykin's comments:

Entertaining! Impressive use of dialogue to move the story's action forward. There were some punctuation errors (now corrected), mostly in transition from dialogue to the tag indicating who was speaking.

Generally, I don't think that spelling out sound effects in a story works, but in this case it sort of does...there's a cartoon-y aspect to this story, and the onomatopoetic words reinforce that.

Not sure you need the diary entry device at the beginning. Since it's not used in most of the story, it's sort of an unneeded distraction. I'd omit that.

WOODSTOCK by "Kate"

“OK, this is only enough money to get you to your friend’s house.”

“Thank you very much, Dad. We will be back in a couple of days.”

“OK, bye,” he called out the door.

As he closed the door he turned to his wife, “I think she’s getting more responsible.”

“Maybe she’s finally growing up,” she responded.

“We finally have the money. OK Ann, what’s the plan?” Martha questioned excitedly.

“Well, we see how far this money gets us at the train station and then it’s hitchhiking to Woodstock. Let’s go!”

There was a look of delight on all faces when Martha asked, “Won’t Mom and Dad get mad?”

“I certainly hope so,” Ann said through a broad smile that engulfed her face.



“Well, that didn’t get us very far.”

“I thought we’d be there by now.”

“Do your thumbs hurt?”

“No.”

“No.”

“Good, then start hitchhiking,” I said.

It didn’t take that long until a red pickup pulled over. The driver was about 17, the same age as I am. He had a cap on and looked unkempt.

“So where are you three pretty little ladies headed?” he inquired.

“Woodstock. You going that way?”

“Why, yes I am, as a matter of fact. Hop in. I’ll take you there and back. How about that?”

“Thank you so much,” I said.

It didn’t take long to get there and when we did…you knew it. There was a sea of people. They all moved in and around each other. There were no personal bubbles here. They were all here for the same thing: the music and probably to get away from parents, like we were.

The music was great, the people were nice. It was the Summer of Love. There was nothing to worry about. We were all high on the feeling of disobedience with the rock flowing through our heads. There was nothing we couldn’t do or say. I knew then that this was the top of the world.

Days flew by like minutes and before we knew it, our faces were on the cover of Life magazine for the whole world to see, including Mom and Dad!

This version was proofread for spelling by Mr. Graykin...but no errors were found.

Mr. Graykin's comments:

What a great story! Nice choice to write the second part from your aunt's point of view, and good use of dialogue throughout.

My only criticism is that this is as short as it is! I imagine there are numerous details that you could discover through continued interviews. What were the best moments of the event? What was your aunt thinking at the time the photo was taken, during that rain storm? Who else, exactly, was with her on the trip? (Not all are mentioned specifically...) And most important: What was the fallout at home when Mom and Dad found out where they REALLY went?

Note about picture: This ran in Life as indicated in the story. The author's aunt is on the far left.

POWER OUTAGE by "Wahota"

I woke up around 2:00 or 3:00 to hear a loud crack then a thunderous crash. After that I heard a few more tree branches break and fall. I fell back asleep.

My mother woke up around 8:30 just before she had to go to work. She told me to go back to sleep because we had no power and it was cold. I got up, got dressed and went outside to go to the bathroom. I finally saw what I heard last night, it was about 15 feet long and it looked like a tree top or branch. It had just barely hit the shed. I went back inside.

My mom suggested that Greg and I make a fire in the fireplace to keep warm, then she left for work. I went out to the pile of wood that we bought a year or two back, for some reason we haven’t touched is since we stacked it, but I‘m glad it was there too use. I grabbed the driest pieces I could find and the hatchet. I started to bring in more wood so we had enough for awhile. Greg started to cut the wood in to smaller pieces so it would catch on fire. We started looking for a lighter. Of course my mom takes all the lighters out of the house because she doesn’t trust me because she wants a house to come back to. Mom knows that I like to play with fire. I like burning things and to see what I will catch on fire and what won’t.

We finally found matches but there were only three. The first two matches caught the newspaper on fire but went out shortly after. The third caught the newspaper on fire, the fire spread, caught the wood on fire and we had a fire.

All through the day we had to keep bringing more and more wood inside. I slept and then woke up to put more wood on the fire. Every time I put a new log on the fire, I would poke and prod it until it was in just the right spot. Every once in awhile I poked and prodded to much and the fire almost went out. That would have been really bad because we had no more matches.

I really did like playing (working) with the fire all day, I LOVE FIRE! It is pretty!

I basically did that all day until my father called and I went to Methuen Mass, there was power, warmth, and hot food. I called my mother on Saturday and she told me that they had power and they got it back earlier that day.

Even though the fire was fun, I don’t want to loose power for that long again. It was a lot of work!

This version was proofread for paragraphing and organization by Mr. Graykin.

Mr. Graykin's comments:

This writing shares the events of that day in a clear way, but few of the show-not-tell strategies are used, and that makes it a little less interesting to read. You report that your mother spoke to you--why not quote her? Instead of telling me that fire is pretty, why not describe what it looks like, and help me understand how it is pretty?

Be careful when proofreading to check for spelling errors. A couple notable errors: to ≠ too; loose lose. Also look at how use use commas: You have a comma splice before "I LOVE FIRE!" and missed a needed comma just after "Methuen."

One nice thing about this writing is the level of detail you included. The history of the wood pile and the search for matches/lighting of the fire make the writing more engaging.

ZANDER by Adam

So there I was, Zander Wilfington, living in Hinxford, California--the smallest town you'll never hear of. I was standing there, like all the other kids on the recess field, when I found out what my magical power was.

Unlike all the other kids, I hadn't found mine until I was 14. My classmates usually made fun of me because they could all change the weather or float. Then, I could do nothing, I had no power. But now, now I had been gifted my power.

"What's it like? Ya'now, having your power?"

"The same," I responded to my friend, Sinfar.

"Don't feel bad, I don't even have my power yet."

I sighed. This didn't make me feel any better. "At least you might get something cool like the power of fire or ability to read minds. I have to live with my power for the rest of my life knowing all I can do is change colors." Yes, I know it's sad. I live in a town of people with magical skills and all I can do is change color.

Once school got out, I began walking to my house. About halfway home, a man came running down the street. His hair was ruffled and had sticks in it. His clothes were nipped in places, and he had perspiration dripping down his face.

"Have….have you see….seen a huge c-cat monkey 30 fee…feet tall?" he coughed out.

"Umm, no?" The man ran off. I thought to myself for a minute, then kept walking. I took maybe three steps when Harlem, a kid from school, came running out of the bushes.

"Oh, thank God I…" His voice trailed off when he realized it was me.

"I was being chased by huge black cat, and I started to fly but it hit me and... I don't know. It's like it smacked the power out of me. I thought you could help me, but then I remembered what your power was. Hah!"

Harlem turned around and pointed into the woods. "If you see a huge cat, tell him I went that way." Harlem pointed one direction than walked in the other. I knew he said that to prove how useless I was. I watched him walk down the street, jumping forwards with his arms out, obviously trying to regain his flying power. Whatever that man’s cat was, it could take away our powers.

I knew it was a bad idea, but I stepped off the tar road and began walking into the woods. I was curious what they were talking about, and I was thinking that if it took away my power, I might be able to get a new one.

I'd been walking for maybe ten minutes when I didn't hear, but I felt, a great thumping. I looked around wildly looking for the cat. When I saw it charging at me, it sent shivers down my back. I didn't think before about getting killed, just about losing my power. I had to do something and fast. The cat had paused about fifty yards away. It looked at me with its huge yellow eyes. Then it ruffled its fur and extended its claws. I couldn't think of anything to do when I remembered my power. The cat got ready to chase me. I ducked behind a tree and tried with all my might to activate my power the way I had the other day.

I held my eyes shut. I looked at the leaves then shut them again. When I opened them my heart skipped a beat. The black monster was just feet away. It looked around as if I wasn't there. Then, in the corner of my eye, I saw the man who had first asked me if I had seen this furry creature. He didn't see me, but he obviously saw the cat because he took off running.

The cat leaped after him in an amused way. Once I was sure the cat was gone, I stood up and looked down at myself. I had the shapes and colors of leaves all over me. As if they were printed on my body and clothes. I walked back the way I came until I found the road. I began walking towards my house; maybe my power wasn't so bad after all.

This version was proofread by Mr. Graykin.

First, an Explanation...

In class, I had students complete a short survey. The way stories are going to be posted here will be based on their answers.

If an author's name is in quotation marks, it is a pseudonym. Otherwise, it is the author's real first name. All real last names are omitted.

If the student requested that some form of proofreading be done by the teacher before posting the story, the nature of the corrections made are mentioned at the end of the story. If the comment just says "proofread," it means that the student wanted all sorts of corrections made.

Teacher comments are included only if the student specified that they wanted them posted here. Students had the options to reject this option, or to modify this part of the posting to only include positive comments.

I do not anticipate that I will post all the stories at once; I intend to put a handful up at a time. If you are looking for a specific students' work and don't see it here, check back periodically.

If a story includes a picture, (1) it was provided by the student, (2) it is one I took, or (3) it is one that I found doing a Creative Commons search.

Links for Foley research

FOLEY RESOURCES ON THE WEB

How to make sounds:

• Audio Theater
  
• Equipment Emporium (look toward the bottom of the article)
• Wikipedia
• Epic Sound - Not so good: a lot of the suggestions on this huge list of methods are related to using recordings in a sound studio
• C5 Sound - as of 1/30, this link is broken. Let me know if you try it and it works...
  

Especially good:

• Old-time.com
• Ruyasonic

Videos

Back of the Mike (1936) – about 9 minutes long:

• Back of the Mike on Metacafe
  
• Back of the Mike on Google Video
  

Track Stars – the video we watched in class - about 7 ½ minutes long:

• Track Stars on Google Video
  

There are several other videos about Foley on Google—this page has a list:

• Google video search page-look at the list on the left
  

Info about sound design and Foley artists

• Film Sound site
  
• Marblehead site (includes a section on how it is done)

About Jack Foley—the man “Foley” is named after:

• Marblehead site
  
• Film Sound site
  

An internet search for “Ben Burtt” will lead you a lot of sites with information about him—he was the sound designer for Star Wars and Wall-E. We watched a brief documentary about his work in class.

There are probably other great sites out there--if you find one, leave a comment here, and I will add it to the list! Or even better, just copy and paste the URL address as a comment (the thing that starts "http://...") like a couple students have already done. Then others can copy that URL info and paste it into their browser window to visit the site.

Welcome to the Mallego ELA blog!

This is the blog site for the Mallego team's English Language Arts class at Barrington (NH) Middle School. Check back soon for writings by students and more!